Monday, February 7, 2011

Duncan Zowie Heywood Jones

Aside from those people who name their kids Alfred Fredrick Johnson the VVXII or those people who were high when they had their baby and named their kid Rainbow Sky Sunshine Unicorn Dust Smith, the majority of people name their children normal names: Ashley, Jennifer, Rachel, Nicole, Jessica, Caitlin, Briana, Karen, Kristi, Heather, and the occasional Aubry. So what makes celebrities think that they can name their kids these horrendous and obscure names. It's disgusting! They try to pass it off as "unique" or "original." 

Well news flash Nicole Kidman...Sunday...is not original; it’s a day of the week.
Gwyneth Paltrow has a daughter named Apple....which in Latin means "fruit" 
Jason Lee named his son Pilot Inspektor...spelt wrong.
Sylvester Stallone and his son Sage Moonblood. 
DO YOU THINK THAT’S HARD CORE OR SOMETHING? Sage is a girl's name.
"Destry...my daughter. No not destroy, Destry" Steven Spielberg

Forrest Whittaker named his son Ocean. Robert Rodriguez has 4 sons, Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Kids with names like Blanket, Ever, Banjo, Liberty, Justice, Freedom, Suri, and Camera. These names are unique? No. They are tangible items, or concepts.  No one is going to name their baby Puma. Well yeah, that’s because a Puma is an animal. These poor children will never have normal lives. First of all their parents are drunken crazy celebs, and number two they have names like Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin. I can't make this stuff up - those last two - Frank Zappa's kids. The only time this is semi expected is if the parents themselves have a ridiculous name. Penn Jillette, we all knew he was going to name his poor daughter Moxie Crimefighter. I do however feel partially hypocritical in my statements because I have wanted to name my first daughter Carmen San Diego since I was seven. (which is, fun fact, the name of Andre Benjamin's son)




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